I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
