It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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