Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
