The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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