its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
