My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
