no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
