I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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