I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
