The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
