a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There's a naked man in my car right now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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