I'm gonna have a badass scar
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
