??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize