At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
