Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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