can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
