I accidentally had phone sex last night
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
