I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
