Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
