Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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