I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize