my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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