Someone shit on the floor
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
