Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
