The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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