SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
