Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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