The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm always down for nudity.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
