Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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