Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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