Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
