That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
