Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
