I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
