i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
