smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
