You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
