Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
