life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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