my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
All I want is dick and wine.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
