I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
