the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
