I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
