drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize