I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
