maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
