she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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