i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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