Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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