SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
