i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
