is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
