It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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