Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
