You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
