Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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