your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
