Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
