She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
