so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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