My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize