I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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