my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
