Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
