Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
