My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
