like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
