Pappa wants mamma naked
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
