I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
