I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
