If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
