My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
