Your mouth is God's brothel.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
